Misfit Toys

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

Angry or sad this poet? I think it was the coming of spring, when realized that he could be more than he was. Something in him made him question himself.

I am there. Wondering about like a bumble on Rudolph. Looking for direction, shining a light. Making the conflict make me grow. Can I jump ahead, will I bounce?

I can totally equate myself to a cartoon, drawn or created, aren't we anyway? Who's in charge of the next frame...or does it just happen. I'm older, I can feel it, in my mind and my body. My soul is young, my spirit grows. I need to make them meet. Be a character, live in those shoes for the day, switch your thinking. Have fun with it.

Watch out for elves that want to be dentists.

Rudolph: But you fell off the edge of the cliff.
Yukon Cornelius: Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce.

Small Hours

'Cause you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button girl,

So cradle your head in your hands

And breathe

My brother Robbie calls me "girl." "Hey girl, what's up?" I can hear him and I have his smile so its close by.

This is it. One life. I want it ALL. Great line in out of Africa - Deny's denies that he wants for anything and Blixen defiantly says "You want it ALL," in that great Meryl Streep accent. God, she is great. Can anyone make you feel a character more?

Yes I want it all. For once in my life, I am focusing on not what I can't have but on what I can, and that its ok to ask for it. And what about my cares, do I really need to check CNN everyday so I know what the world is doing? WHY? Why can't I just think about something without ramifications? I'm gonna. "He prayeth well that loveth well both man & bird & beast". Save a bird.

Believe

I lived in the Tenderloin. If you know San Francisco, you know what this means. It means either you don't care or can't. I felt both at one time. My cat and I. It was a sad place to be, and yet to be there you had to be completely void of emotion. Sometimes, that is where you have to be so you can believe again. In yourself, your friends, money, family. My cat suffered the most, alone and waiting for me to find me. She waited, looked out the window and was excited to see me everytime I came in. From then on we never left each other again.

I am not void of emotions now. I believe I am simply on the cusp of something. I have no idea. My emotions are raw, exposed, irrational and hard. Believe, believe. I think in general terms anyone could understand this feeling, its the context that gets us here that is hard to swallow. It's colder than winter here.

Hot Sun

For the first time in 6 months, I could feel the heat of the sun today. Vitamin D! I love the sun, too much I am afraid. I long to play on the beach, read a book at the lake, or ski behind a boat. I was taking pictures today, when I recognized the heat. Sitting at my desk all day, the sun beckoned me to come out. As soon as I tuned in to the warmth I sat again. Sat on the wall, felt the rush of warmth, birds and fresh cut grass. I missed a meeting in my office, but the sun was worth it.

On Mustard

I always take the time to look up a word before I actually expell something from my mouth. Mustard is a fine condiment, it is made of course using the tiny mustard seed, vinegar, spices and water. Wikipedia says "A strong mustard can cause the eyes to water, burn the palate and inflame the nasal passages. " Ouch, harsh. I prefer the sweeter kind I think.

My mom (Jo) had a necklace that her mother (Bess) gave her and she gave to me (me). It is a mustard seed encased in some kind of holder...don't ask. She told me once that if I just have the faith of that small seed that I could move a mountain. I actually tried it once. I tried to fly once too. Neither worked. Although I was wearing my pink blanket as a cape I really believed I could fly with it. I did in my dreams...why not awake? I think I'll work on my mountain.

I love mustard, had it last night on rice. Why be predictable? To cut the mustard" means to achieve the desired standard...I feel mountains moving.

On Port

Smells, like words, can trigger a memory. The smell of the house you grew up in, or maybe your grandmothers. To me it smelled like sugar cookies and moth balls. Thanksgiving in a big house allows smells to linger. Maybe in a bedroom I smelled pumpkin pie, and downstairs sage dressing, or giblet gravy. I was hungry I thought, but maybe it was just the smell.

After dinner I like a port. Lately I start thinking about it around 4. I don't know much about port, claim no expertise. I couldn't tell you if one is 10 years old or 2. I know I've tasted it in an episcopal church in Indiana. I think I like a tawny, that really is all I know. And I don't know that I want to venture from there, because I know I like this. Why do we feel the need to add to what we already know is good. That adventurous spirit, I suppose.

But now port is some kind of comfort I share with a friend. Learning together. It covers my throat, it feels like the old pepto bismol commercial when they showed the pink stuff coating the stomach. (Pink does more than you think.) I can feel that first sip on the tip of my tongue, I can smell the deep woodsy, musky smell that I like. Then I settle in a chair and wait for the conversation. Maybe a couch, wherever it is, I wait. I don't want it to subside.

They are kinda good for you ...but not really - I'm not making this crap up here

Fishsticks are popular with children and their parents as an easy-to-prepare finger food that is somewhat healthy for kids, as fish contains many nutrients including Omega-3 fatty acids, and small amounts of fried foods are not incompatible with an over-all healthy diet.

Solitude is my Guide

The night becomes my friend.

First Art Exposure

Andrew Wyeth launched his career in 1937, at the age of twenty, with a sold-out exhibition of watercolors in New York. After that debut, his father, noted illustrator N.C. Wyeth (who also served as his art instructor and mentor) wrote him a congratulatory letter that prophesied, "You are headed in the direction that should finally reach the pinnacle in American art."
Indeed, he has. Widely acclaimed today as "America's Painter," Wyeth enjoys an international reputation as the preeminent realist of our time. He was the first living artist to be given major exhibitions at both the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York and the Hermitage in St. Petersburg; shows of his work routinely draw hundreds of thousands of visitors around the world.
In 1998, the Greenville County Museum of Art established The Greenville Collection of paintings by Andrew Wyeth. The collection emphasizes watercolors of the artists family and friends, as well as landscapes of Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, where he was born, and Cushing, Maine, his second home since childhood.
The Greenville Collection has been hailed by the artist as "the very best collection of my watercolors in any public museum in the country."
The collection also includes Wyeth's 1957 tempera, Hay Ledge.
These paintings are always on view.Please visit the Museum Shop page for Wyeth-related merchandise.

It Does Something

http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

Sabu

"Something majestically selfless lent a becoming gravity to her solicitude."

Solictude can be defined as an anxiety, or a grave concern. It is also "concerned attention." Anyone loves attention. Seems to me the phrase completely balances itself. Being selfless and the vulnerability of solicitude...opening up to the emotion of empathy. Being able to absorb the fear and comfort oneself and others...takes an incredibly strong human being. I just wish I knew how.

http://www.all-story.com/issues.cgi?action=show_story&story_id=187

Selflessness

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
Give your love but you won't
Stretching out your arms to something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Sayin' you love but you don't
Give your love but you won't, she won't
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me