Hear It

Who wants to be right as rain
It's better when when you are on top

I give up on this endless game

Feel the sea, let us float to the sky

Sometime coming home, waiting for a call from the bell

My mother she calls, .......magnificently.

Tell Me a Story

I want panned seared scallops for breakfast

Cook something for me I want to taste

See that the smile on my mouth is not really there

Touch my lips with salt from your wounds

Tell me about that line on your face

Show me the world in Black and White

Make it easier to hear my mother

Run to me like my horse cannot

Say something that we understand

Breathe once my breath, and I will be with you.

Glass on Glass

A Fireplace is Art - at least 8 feet tall

This fireplace in the Legion of Honor caught my eye. I could imagine some family gathered around it or even a man with a pipe leaning against it. It has some worn areas where some one was touching it, its not perfect, but quite lovely.

All I Need is 10 Minutes. Rodin - The Thinker and Glass

Money Shot!

"The Russian Bride's Attire" by Konstantin Makovsky, painted in 1887

This painting is very large, and takes up most of the wall it is displayed on. The Bride sits with a woman in front of her, gazing into her eyes. Are they sisters, leaving each other? Friends? Lovers? The detail is incredible and truly looks like a photograph. The man to the right is the only adult male in the photo, I believe he is checking on his dowry.

I think when I was a kid and my cousins got married, I thought they would be gone forever. I know now that is not true. But there is a time in all of our lives where we fear that someone will leave because a change has occurred in their lives. Or in our own. This is my life, the best one I've ever had, the only one I will ever know. There is no rewind button. Or fast-forward. Stay.

Holocaust Memorial - Legion of Honor

This memorial is hidden by a wall, and when I reached the wall, and peered over the edge, I believe I lost my breath.

The Gates of Hell - Rodin

Chihuly - Hanging Glass

Museum Day - Chihuly, Legion of Honor San Francisco

Floor to ceiling glass

The Screen Door Slams

Today, in the trash. Very Sad.

Drapes covered with Dust

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong

To heal the wounds from lovers past

Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones

You answered me with no pretense

And still I feel I said too much

My silence is my self defense

And this is why my eyes are closed...

Summer Madness

Honestly, does it have to come down to this? Strolling the wrong way. Looking north and going south? All I want is direction, clarity, strength. Where is the fastener, and why is it avoided? Who gets permission? And why is it provided? Who am I to say?

I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea

By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Roses On My Desk

I was given a small potted plant, 2 inch parade roses. They are red, or were, now they are kinda dark red. They are tiny, the label says "hearty" as well. Beautiful when they arrived. So sweet. But then, the "self watering wick" failed. And it was up to me to keep these roses alive. I did it with little help for about 4 weeks. It seemed we were in sync. I helped them, they made me smile, I helped them to grow, then something happened. I'm not really sure what. They dried, I watered them, they burned from my light, I moved them....too late. It's all dying now. I have to determine if I want dried flowers around or just throw them out. I stare at them and wonder if they are in any pain. Did they know this would happen? Now both of us are angry. Our joys no longer fulfill each other. I even watered them again this morning hoping some life would appear. Nothing.

I hate when plants die. I am not one to throw them out. I've never been really attached to roses, this one was different. Soft, sweet and came along at the right time. I don't like dried flowers at all. They are just dead flowers. Reminding us of what comes.

They however, are still on my desk.

Excesses

Conversation: "Fire can destroy so much.... a house, trees, animals, and yet fire can be comforting on a cold night or a hint of romance in a candle. Even water, that provides pleasure, or rain that is good for naps, can destroy towns, or perhaps the world." With all the fires here in Santa Cruz and in Brisbane it is certainly on everyones' mind.

Is there anything that one can have in excess? Fun, comes to my mind, as in you can never have... Certainly not pizza, or pop, and even vitamins can be fatal if not monitored.

What about an activity? Can you sit on the porch too much? Or love your dog too much? These are all fine lines frankly, that I cross constantly. I leave the party last, go to bed last, eat last, drink more, laugh more, maybe I should be doing something else more; Reading, Listening, Savoring...I just hope I keep learning.

L>C The rate of learning must be greater than change. -Middleton C.

Sleepy Front Porch Lights

"Well I got this guitar and I learned how to make it talk."

Finally, I have shirt to prove it! Just got back from a Bruce Springsteen concert with some most excellent friends and new friends. And about 20,000 new fan/friends who love The Boss. Was it life changing? In many ways. An incredible concert, more importantly the new people I have met and the old ones I met again.

My best friend Carson (whose name is my horse and my blog) and I used to spend our summers at the Lake Wylie and Cape Hatterass. All the people we knew then, or that I can remember were there. They have fought illness, death, storms and time but they were there for Bruce. And rather, he was there for us. "Girls in their summer clothes..." what better image is that? Girls with lovers, holding hands on the porch, learning about life...riding bikes, cool evenings, free of everything, a girl can save your life....just going back to that young part was good for my soul.

Sally, Carson's sister, yelled as we went in, "this is gonna change your life!" They had just gone to Atlanta to see him. She was right.

In a Second

"I'll be with you in a minute." One of my favorite phrases really. I had an infinite amount of knowledge, so I thought, when I was young. I talked a lot. My ma and I played the quiet game a lot. I had a wonderful friend who really liked when I talked...I think. Anyway, she said "If you hold on just one minute, I will give you my undivided attention." I really liked that. It was comforting somehow.

But now I know different. Things can change in a second. Things die, lawnmowers run, people scatter, reasons change, notes slow down, minds are gone, skin turns and horses weep. What are we doing in this second? Who are we blaming? Do we spend so much time looking at our past that our seconds are used for our past...again. Is it sucking us dry? Can we get beyond all of this so that our seconds are new and open for reception?

What the head makes cloudy, the heart makes very clear.

Shells and Bottles

I have a collection of things I find by the shore at my office. So far, two well formed rocks that look like eggs, some shells and recently added a bottle. Looks like small medicine bottle. I've always been intrigued with glass, by the pure simple fact that it comes from sand.

I like bottles, I don't collect them, although I like antique bottles. I think the cleaner the better. So this moved me on into thinking about bottles ....and a possible jeannie. As in Barbabra Eden. She was in the afternoon lineup when I got home from school. Flintstones, Gilligans, Brady Bunch, James at 15, I Dream of Jeannie, and Andy Griffith. By then it was supper time.

She had a cool bottle. Pinks and reds, lots of cushions, pillows. I loved when she was tossed around and she landed on a pillow. What would I wish for? Would I have more than one? What if it wasn't right? Are we ever sure, even when we get a free wish. What if we just wanted the Jeannie?

Black Soul

We've all felt this. Even in our first relationships as children. I felt in elementary school at Augusta Circle, when my best friend Rene Taylor, changed schools. I had no idea how I would see her again. She lived too far away for me to ride my bike to see her. Across the main street, too large for a small bike. I cried and cried. I'm still looking for her. I bet she is a success wherever she is, and beautiful.

I kissed a boy in 5th grade. My first real kiss with Brian Carver, but I liked Allen Ivester at the same time. I made a choice. No not as big as Sophie's choice but I made a choice nonetheless. I cried and cried.

All of these things make us stronger. Even as little kids we get that. We make mistakes and we cry. People hurt us and we cry. But we can most certainly feel this soul again.

Misfit Toys

The force that through the green fuse drives the flower
Drives my green age; that blasts the roots of trees Is my destroyer.
And I am dumb to tell the crooked rose
My youth is bent by the same wintry fever.

Angry or sad this poet? I think it was the coming of spring, when realized that he could be more than he was. Something in him made him question himself.

I am there. Wondering about like a bumble on Rudolph. Looking for direction, shining a light. Making the conflict make me grow. Can I jump ahead, will I bounce?

I can totally equate myself to a cartoon, drawn or created, aren't we anyway? Who's in charge of the next frame...or does it just happen. I'm older, I can feel it, in my mind and my body. My soul is young, my spirit grows. I need to make them meet. Be a character, live in those shoes for the day, switch your thinking. Have fun with it.

Watch out for elves that want to be dentists.

Rudolph: But you fell off the edge of the cliff.
Yukon Cornelius: Didn't I ever tell you about Bumbles? Bumbles bounce.

Small Hours

'Cause you can't jump the track,
we're like cars on a cable

And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table

No one can find the rewind button girl,

So cradle your head in your hands

And breathe

My brother Robbie calls me "girl." "Hey girl, what's up?" I can hear him and I have his smile so its close by.

This is it. One life. I want it ALL. Great line in out of Africa - Deny's denies that he wants for anything and Blixen defiantly says "You want it ALL," in that great Meryl Streep accent. God, she is great. Can anyone make you feel a character more?

Yes I want it all. For once in my life, I am focusing on not what I can't have but on what I can, and that its ok to ask for it. And what about my cares, do I really need to check CNN everyday so I know what the world is doing? WHY? Why can't I just think about something without ramifications? I'm gonna. "He prayeth well that loveth well both man & bird & beast". Save a bird.

Believe

I lived in the Tenderloin. If you know San Francisco, you know what this means. It means either you don't care or can't. I felt both at one time. My cat and I. It was a sad place to be, and yet to be there you had to be completely void of emotion. Sometimes, that is where you have to be so you can believe again. In yourself, your friends, money, family. My cat suffered the most, alone and waiting for me to find me. She waited, looked out the window and was excited to see me everytime I came in. From then on we never left each other again.

I am not void of emotions now. I believe I am simply on the cusp of something. I have no idea. My emotions are raw, exposed, irrational and hard. Believe, believe. I think in general terms anyone could understand this feeling, its the context that gets us here that is hard to swallow. It's colder than winter here.

Hot Sun

For the first time in 6 months, I could feel the heat of the sun today. Vitamin D! I love the sun, too much I am afraid. I long to play on the beach, read a book at the lake, or ski behind a boat. I was taking pictures today, when I recognized the heat. Sitting at my desk all day, the sun beckoned me to come out. As soon as I tuned in to the warmth I sat again. Sat on the wall, felt the rush of warmth, birds and fresh cut grass. I missed a meeting in my office, but the sun was worth it.

On Mustard

I always take the time to look up a word before I actually expell something from my mouth. Mustard is a fine condiment, it is made of course using the tiny mustard seed, vinegar, spices and water. Wikipedia says "A strong mustard can cause the eyes to water, burn the palate and inflame the nasal passages. " Ouch, harsh. I prefer the sweeter kind I think.

My mom (Jo) had a necklace that her mother (Bess) gave her and she gave to me (me). It is a mustard seed encased in some kind of holder...don't ask. She told me once that if I just have the faith of that small seed that I could move a mountain. I actually tried it once. I tried to fly once too. Neither worked. Although I was wearing my pink blanket as a cape I really believed I could fly with it. I did in my dreams...why not awake? I think I'll work on my mountain.

I love mustard, had it last night on rice. Why be predictable? To cut the mustard" means to achieve the desired standard...I feel mountains moving.

On Port

Smells, like words, can trigger a memory. The smell of the house you grew up in, or maybe your grandmothers. To me it smelled like sugar cookies and moth balls. Thanksgiving in a big house allows smells to linger. Maybe in a bedroom I smelled pumpkin pie, and downstairs sage dressing, or giblet gravy. I was hungry I thought, but maybe it was just the smell.

After dinner I like a port. Lately I start thinking about it around 4. I don't know much about port, claim no expertise. I couldn't tell you if one is 10 years old or 2. I know I've tasted it in an episcopal church in Indiana. I think I like a tawny, that really is all I know. And I don't know that I want to venture from there, because I know I like this. Why do we feel the need to add to what we already know is good. That adventurous spirit, I suppose.

But now port is some kind of comfort I share with a friend. Learning together. It covers my throat, it feels like the old pepto bismol commercial when they showed the pink stuff coating the stomach. (Pink does more than you think.) I can feel that first sip on the tip of my tongue, I can smell the deep woodsy, musky smell that I like. Then I settle in a chair and wait for the conversation. Maybe a couch, wherever it is, I wait. I don't want it to subside.

They are kinda good for you ...but not really - I'm not making this crap up here

Fishsticks are popular with children and their parents as an easy-to-prepare finger food that is somewhat healthy for kids, as fish contains many nutrients including Omega-3 fatty acids, and small amounts of fried foods are not incompatible with an over-all healthy diet.

Solitude is my Guide

The night becomes my friend.

First Art Exposure

Andrew Wyeth launched his career in 1937, at the age of twenty, with a sold-out exhibition of watercolors in New York. After that debut, his father, noted illustrator N.C. Wyeth (who also served as his art instructor and mentor) wrote him a congratulatory letter that prophesied, "You are headed in the direction that should finally reach the pinnacle in American art."
Indeed, he has. Widely acclaimed today as "America's Painter," Wyeth enjoys an international reputation as the preeminent realist of our time. He was the first living artist to be given major exhibitions at both the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York and the Hermitage in St. Petersburg; shows of his work routinely draw hundreds of thousands of visitors around the world.
In 1998, the Greenville County Museum of Art established The Greenville Collection of paintings by Andrew Wyeth. The collection emphasizes watercolors of the artists family and friends, as well as landscapes of Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, where he was born, and Cushing, Maine, his second home since childhood.
The Greenville Collection has been hailed by the artist as "the very best collection of my watercolors in any public museum in the country."
The collection also includes Wyeth's 1957 tempera, Hay Ledge.
These paintings are always on view.Please visit the Museum Shop page for Wyeth-related merchandise.

It Does Something

http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

Sabu

"Something majestically selfless lent a becoming gravity to her solicitude."

Solictude can be defined as an anxiety, or a grave concern. It is also "concerned attention." Anyone loves attention. Seems to me the phrase completely balances itself. Being selfless and the vulnerability of solicitude...opening up to the emotion of empathy. Being able to absorb the fear and comfort oneself and others...takes an incredibly strong human being. I just wish I knew how.

http://www.all-story.com/issues.cgi?action=show_story&story_id=187

Selflessness

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't
Give your love but you won't
Stretching out your arms to something that's just not there
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Sayin' you love but you don't
Give your love but you won't, she won't
Sayin' you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me